R.I.P., Shake it back man.

A tragicomic tale from the realm of indigent defense

I recently was in court with a man who had pretty severe mental problems. To quote Rushmore, he "was in the shit" back in Vietnam. During our conversation in court that day his emotions ranged from tears to rage with several stops in between. Near the end of court, with only his case remaining to be called, he expressed a need to urinate. I told him we were almost done and asked if he could hold it. After thinking about it, he declared that he could "shake it back" in order to stave off the need. He proceeded, there in the court pew, to hunch over and rythmically thrust his pelvis for the next ten minutes, much to the humor of various courtroom observers. I know little of this technique or its success. In the end he relented and was taken to the bathroom.

Less than 24 hours after being released from jail he was found dead on his porch, apparently of natural causes. Whatever you're drinking, pour a little out for the shake it back man, and hope he's in a place where your bladder's never full and your obstruction charges are always dismissed.