'tis quite lame, but...

...i came up with a tongue twister:

"cora quietly craves coral colored cholera"

teach it to your children.

a one week jaunt full of rain forest debauchery

the 4KS 2005 World Tour continues with tomorrows trip to costa rica. representing 4KS on the excursion will be myself and mcsqaured; we will be accompanied by the one-and-only frizzly rooster. with this trip following so closely on the heels of last weekend's birthday bachannalia, the whirlwind pursuit of leisure that is quadruple kegstand seems to be reaching new heights.


ps- lest we lose sight of our real purpose, i would like to note that, despite sauce's stellar comedy performance the weekend last, he is still an idiot. and he still plays in dumb wilco tribute band. i hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

4KS NEWSBREAK:

tom delay just got indicted for criminal conspiracy based on some sort of campaign finance fraud. happy day. we'll follow this story as it develops.

to our sauce-drenched friend: bravo!

the 4KS Birthday Bachanallia was an unqualified success. PCP played a sloppy yet blazing set that was fully worthy of their namesake, and both Mahogany and the Frizzly Rooster turned in nice sets from the dj booth.

it must be conceded, however, that the highlight of the night was the much anticipated stand-up performance by saucy sellers. as expected, the bit basically took the form of a roast of yours truly. the performance was enjoyed by all, and only in part based on the pleasure of watching the sauce fidget on stage. well done, saucepop.

highlights from sauce's act?

a little recognition for reno

reno mellons [aka DJ Mahogany] made an appearance today in the banner-herald in the "on the record player" feature. now the rest of athens gets to experience the joy that is Sexual Blackness. friday's shindig also got a plug, with mention of the appearance by "stand-up comedian Saucy Sellers."

we're all looking forward to the saucy one's debut comedy performance. there are rumblings that some of his time may be dedicated to an attempt to "roast" yours truly. bringeth the noise, saucebag.

the saucy legend, vol. 2

this is yet another tale of the sauce's sauvity and shocking lack of inhibition when he sets his sights on a beautiful young lass. 4ks does not have a direct account of the dialogue, but the story unfolded as follows:


sauce gets a haircut. during this process, he notes that his playful banter is well-received by his "personal stylist." however, during the session an occassion to ask the young lady for a date does not present itself.

for many, this would be a huge setback. most cowardly young men would just kick themselves for an opportunity lost. those slightly stronger willed might bide their time until their hair had grown back, then taking the opportunity to entreat the young lady for her hand. not our hero.

the very next day, the stylist arrives at work to find a dozen tulips awaiting her. the card read:

Call me.
- jeremy
254-BIGPIMP


call him she did. the sauce went on a couple dates with the lucky young lady, and in his own graceful words [regailing us with the story only last night] "at least i got to make out with that one." this has been another tale from the canon of saucy legend. may we all be so bold and decisive.

sumo

is tom waits still cool?

yup. below is his reaction to general motors using a wait's soundalike for some european commercials:

"Apparently the highest compliment our culture grants artists nowadays is to be in an ad -- ideally naked and purring on the hood of a new car. I have adamantly and repeatedly refused this dubious honor."

4KS presents...

A BIRTHDAY BACCHANALIA

a celebration of the births of pudge knight [canine progeny to mcsquared] and m. bond keene, esq. [aka- mcMtL].

friday, september 23 at little kings.

the probable lineup:
- a reading by monsieur fallis, poet laureate of athens
- a performance by the pavement cover posse
- the standup comedy stylings of jeremy "saucy" sellers
- dance party hosted by dj mahogany [aka- reno melons], with special guest dj the frizzly rooster [aka- kenniebloggins]

bar will be tended by the handsome german.

i love you, maureen dowd.

below is a portion of what the dreamiest op-ed columnist in all the land had to say today about bush's bumbling and clueless effort at assisting the people of new orleans:


"President Bush continued to try to spin his own inaction yesterday, but he may finally have reached a patch of reality beyond spin. Now he's the one drowning, unable to rescue himself by patting small black children on the head during photo-ops and making scripted attempts to appear engaged. He can keep going back down there, as he will again on Thursday when he gives a televised speech to the nation, but he can never compensate for his tragic inattention during days when so many lives could have been saved."


nice summation, but consider reading the whole article.


btw, if anybody hasn't seen the kanye comments yet, a transcript of the whole thing can be found here, and video footage of the now famous "george bush doesn't care about black people" climax can be seen here.

condolences to kenniebloggins

fowlhorns, famed eastside poultry bistro, has closed its doors. may she rest in peace.

the culture of fear strikes again

if you associate with paranoid dipshits, you may have gotten an email forward that reads like this:


Subject: FW: Be Careful

Be careful get the word out infom your friends & family coworkers etc- this issue has been overlooked due to the devastation. Most of yall know we have a familiy restaurant in which I worked last night. We had a lot of people from New orleans come and buy food. I did not realize how many people were here already. On the way here this morning I was listening to the Radio and they were saying that a woman called in and said she saw her brother that had 2 life sentences for committing 7 murders, and now he is out on the street. (He was in prison in New Orleans). My friend Robert went down to Louisiana about 2 weeks ago to visit his brother who was in prison for stabbing his lawyer in the neck came by the restaurant to let us know that he made it back safe and he was not injured in the storm but . The problem was his brother was in the car with him as well. (The convicted murderer). If any of yall are like me. :) I love New Orleans accents but please be careful, who you talk to at the clubs, in the stores ,anywhere. Prisoners did escape, and these men have no ID, they are in a new city where no one knows them to identify them and so far they don't exsist because so many people are missing, or dead. So pleasseeee be careful. This is affecting everybody... I know that there are murderers everywhere but please, please, please be careful and be mindful that there may be many more in our midst. Please just be aware of your surroundings and please pay close attention to your children. There is no way all of these felons will be located. I am afraid not only for my family and friends but for everyone. Please continue to pray for all men in all aspects because only GOD can help us.

it can happen in your own neighborhood...

(from the Banner-Herald)

MAN CHARGED WITH SEX ACT WITH DOG

A 60-year-old Athens man was arrested last Saturday for allegedly having sex with a roommate's Boston terrier, Athens-Clarke police said.

A Noketchee Drive man said he woke up about 9 a.m. and was going to the kitchen for something to drink when he passed by the living room where he saw Sam Willie McIntosh naked and having sexual intercourse with another roommate's 2-year-old dog, named Precious according to police.

McIntosh was charged with bestiality and cruelty and released on $3,400 bond. Precious was taken for treatment at a Winterville animal hospital, where a veterinarian used swabs to collect apparent semen from the animal, police said.

Eccentrics

Wow, that got a little heated didn't it? I apologize for the unfortunate turn towards Fox News-land here at 4KS. There are too many pundits in the world, and it would be sad if we traded our irreverent commentary (especially on Astra) for just more political talk.

I will share a humorous story with you all. I recently had the chance to go to Boca Raton, FL (for work, not fun). There I learned that the city was developed in the 20s or 30s by an eccentric fellow by the last name of Mizner. Mizner would walk around town in silk pajamas with a monkey on a leash. Did the monkey have a name? Yes, he was Johnnie Brown. Do I now have a little statue of Johnnie Brown on my desk? You bet I do.

I used to think I had some eccentric friends. Now I think the bar on eccentricity has been lowered over the years, because I've never known anyone nearly that weird.

"Well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty good amateur rectal photographer. Would you like to see my portfolio?"

source that quote? (without using google)

Disaster Relief

Are you tired of hearing about the hurricane yet? Too bad, because you're about to hear my two cents.

I've only been to NOLA once, about 3 years ago. Walking along the waterfront with my friend, I had the following conversation:

My friend: You know, this city is a big bowl. They say that if there's ever a direct hit from a hurricane, the whole city will fill up with water.
Me: That can't be true. That's like saying one day there's going to be a big earthquake and California's going to fall into the ocean.
My friend: No, I swear it's true.

As it turns out, that had been the conventional wisdom in NOLA for 40 years, and not a single person in a position to do anything managed to do a single thing about it. Certainly not the federal gov't, and definitely not their mayor. The only person I've seen on TV who is dumber than the mayor of NOLA is the Atlanta sheriff, whose incompetence incidentally was the proximate cause of a quadruple homicide at the Fulton county courthouse a little while ago.

And before you send me angry emails about how he really is a smart guy and he just doesn't speak well, keep in mind that that is the same excuse conservatives use to justify Bush's intellect.

the saucy legend, vol. 1

the following tale is set in the uga main library. saucy is seated in his familiar perch in the "checkout" area. enter attractive dreadlocked female:


SAUCE: hey, how's it going.

DREADY GIRL: good. you.

S: good. um, cool.

[lull in conversation in as saucy scanned her books]

S: um, i need to update your information. is [#$%?] still your address.

DG: no, actually my address is [*&%^].

S: ok. and what's your phone number.

DG: why do you need that?

S: because i'm gonna call you this week and ask you out.


this is just one anecdote from the thrillride life of the saucy one. for the record, dready girl did give up her number, but i believe she made up some excuse when the sauce called her. they never went out. still, talk about a saucy approach.

poverty, schmoverty.

i'd be the first to admit that economics are cyclical, and thus economic gains and losses are not necessarily dictated by current policy initiatives. that said, even though it gets some discussion, i don't think the abysmal state of the economy under this administration is publicized enough. consider the following snippet, taken from a slate article:


Bush set another record this week as the first president to preside over five straight years in which household incomes failed to rise. People working the longest fared the worst: Earnings for full-time workers fell by 2.3 percent for men and 1.0 percent for women.

The poverty rate rose for the fourth consecutive year, after declining every year from 1993 to 2000. The percentage of people without private health insurance also went up for the fourth year in a row.

In response, the president could have revived his dormant compassionate conservatism agenda or abandoned his four-year-long effort to avoid signing a welfare reform bill. Instead, the Bush administration sent out a Commerce Department economist to declare that the poverty rate is "the last, lonely trailing indicator of the business cycle." Except for household incomes. And full-time earnings. And private health coverage. When it comes to economic progress, the people are always the last to know.


i guess i shouldn't be surprised to see republicans rolling their eyes at poverty. but i still am.