Friday, January 27, 2006

I've Been Looking For Freedom

I finally did it. I signed up... I joined the blog today because the "big giant" threatened to get me deported if I don't join within the next two days. In order to avoid the first roommate fight before I even move in with him this Saturday, I'd like to express my gratitude for letting me be part of quadruple kegstand. However there are two three things that irritate me: (1) How am I going to explain to my mother that I'm a member of a blog that has the word "kegstand" in its name? (And how am I going to explain what a kegstand is?) (2) I was asked whether I really want to be a nerd, when I mentioned that I am going to join this blog? What was the gentleman talking about.....? (3) What was the black rooster doing in my backyard today in the morning? (No kidding ...)

Anyway.....I am ready for this experience and hope it will be an "intellectual feast." I chose the name "knasselhoff" even though I am fully aware of the stereotypes that this name creates. However, I cannot deny that I was a fan back than behind the iron curtain, when a handsome gentleman from California in a red Speedo electrified entire Germany with his hit "I've Been Looking For Freedom." Up to this day I believe that he was the real reason for the German reunification....

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Whew...I Smell Funk In Here Don't You?!?

Hello Everyone,

Upon the request of my sweet white giant, he's asked me to tell all of you about my show coming up on Friday night (1-27-06) @ Little Kings. There will be no cover and I will be spinning some honey bbq soul for the masses while the electrifying Knut will be serving drinks from behind the bar.

Speaking of honey bbq sauce, I'm hoping my 2nd future ex-husband Saucey will be there. As a matter of fact, I came across something that made me think about out relationship. It's so weird, how art can imitate life.

I hope to see you all there...

Time is a game only children play well

Check out Berman's new videos for a couple of the songs on Tanglewood Numbers. The one for Punks in the Beerlight is especially memorable.

I remember when Berman bought me a Schlitz at the Manhatten. Then we scooted over to the Engine Room and handed Sauce and McSquared their asses in foozball. Yes, Saucy, you did overhear him calling you a fuck-up.

the gospel according to pops (vol. 1):

in our effort to continue to be your #1 source for in-depth atlanta hawks commentary, 4KS is proud to bring you the following. below is a segment of an email sent to me by my father. i fancy myself pretty knowledgeable of the game, but on that front he is still my better. enjoy:

We went to the game last night. Some firm Rosa does business with has superb club level seats, on row D, about even with the foul line at one end. Our heads were just bit higher than the players. Almost perfect.

Of course it was nice they won. Johnson, 28; Harrington, 20; Lue, 15; Williams, 13 (including at least four really sweet jumpers.)

But the main benefit of seeing thing up close was watching them play defense. Or not play. Harrington and Pachulia are just awful on the rotations. It's like they are glued to the floor when someone gets past a guard and heads to the hoop. Stoudamire has no instincts at all and Smith constantly gets lost. Lue isn't a quick as he used to be, but he's still decent. Johnson, Childress AND Williams played good "d." Johnson was superb all around. Both Williams and Childress played great on the ball, and both rotated really well a couple of times at important moments in the second half.

My conclusion is the Hawks should not even consider resigning Harrington, even if he is a vocal team leader. They have signed Pachulia for multiple years. Harrington has been in the league five years and still has no sense of team defense. You just can't have a good team with TWO guys who don't rotate at the back of your defense, especially if one of your guards is Stoudamire. Keep Harrington until the deadline approaches, so Williams has time to break in slowly, then get what you can for him and play Marvin a lot the last few weeks.

On the other hand, maybe Woodson values defense, as he constantly says, but has no clue how to teach it.

Or all of the above.

On a positive note I will say this. Marvin's jump shot really is a thing of beauty in person. I've never seen a sweeter one, ever.

Friday, January 20, 2006

shouldn't he be in jail anyway?

even as he scores at an unreal clip and drags the lakers back into playoff contention, we are reminded of why kobe is a bitch. the following is taken from the recap of the 1/19/06 overtime loss to the kings, in which kobe dropped 51:
"Bryant played the entire first quarter and demanded the ball on almost every possession. He finished the first half with 26 points, but grew visibly frustrated with his teammates -- particularly Odom -- when they didn't pass to him every time down the court."
mind you that's the first quarter (we're not talking about crunch time here). what a fucking asshole.

puttin' a name with a face...

for those of you who don't know il gato, that's him on the left.

military superiority

check out what indian soldiers do in their parades. the indian army is clearly way cooler than ours.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I used to play with a guy that wore a helmet, in Toronto

i'm not really sure about the ethics of this but since i can't really think of anything to write about the sauce besides the fact that i've been meaning to ask him why he and josiah STILL have not removed the name of their former bandmate from the answering machine, i thought that this post, via the greatest combination of runs and rant EVER, deserved a reprint for anyone that doesn't regularly read yardwork. so, w/o further delay, the latest edition of Pay Rickey...stop reading if you don't care about baseball:

This is the time of year when you’re supposed to gather with friends and family and reflect on things you’re thankful for. But Rickey Henderson ain’t thankful for sh-t! There are some dudes out there signing some pretty big contracts. But are any of them named Rickey? Hell no! Is Rickey’s phone ringing? Rickey hasn’t heard it!

Here are some things that Rickey ain’t thankful for:

- Scott Boras. Man, f-ck a Scott Boras! Scott Boras goes up there and writes a big old book on Johnny Damon and says that Johnny Damon is better than Rickey Henderson? Scott Boras has some nerve. Rickey’s seen Johnny Damon. You think Rickey Henderson wouldn’t walk around with a paper bag over his face all day if he had that noodle arm and that stupid haircut? Please! Johnny Damon should be ashamed of himself. Rickey even saw one game where Johnny Damon jumped into a wall in center field because he was too stupid to just stop running. You think Johnny Damon has the lizard-like instincts that allow Rickey Henderson to stop on a dime like only Rickey Henderson, or a lizard, can? Fuck a Johnny Damon!

- The Los Angeles Dodgers. That whole Moneyball sh-t sure worked out, huh? They fired that stupid punk Paul DeProvenza, all right! Serves him right - did you see the chumps they had playing left field last year? The Los Angeles Dodgers are disgraceful. Jason Grabowski? Jayson Werth? Rickey Henderson will tell you what Jayson Werth ain’t werth - a job in the outfield of the LA Dodgers. Even that Milton Bradley is a sorry-ass ballplayer. Milton Bradley should stick to making board games instead of pretending he can play in the big leagues. (Rickey likes that Mouse Trap game, though!)

- Having a birthday on Christmas. This is some real bullsh-t. When Rickey was a little kid, Momma used that same old lame-ass excuse to get out of giving good presents. “This is for your birthday and Christmas combined.” Man, funk dat! Birthday and Christmas combined means you get a stocking with a busted-ass orange in the toe and a couple Wacky Packages! Chock Full o’ Bolts? Bull! This year, Rickey was watching “Scrooged” on A&E and Rickey Jr. was all, “Here, Dad,” and he only gave me like one pair of underwear! Them sorry-ass old Jockey shorts with The Pouch! Is Mrs. Rickey telling Rickey Jr. something Rickey Jr. shouldn’t know about Little Rickey?

- Getting old. That’s some garbage right there. Rickey thinks people shouldn’t get old like they do, getting all senile and busted hip like that. It’s wrong, and it’s not right. Rickey now knows more than Rickey ever did, and Rickey should be able to do something with this! For real money! That Jacque Jones, what’s he do? Nothing, that’s what. He ain’t even the best Twin out there - that’s Tory Hunter. Hell, he ain’t even the best Jones! But he’s getting paid. He’s getting paid with money that Rickey should be getting. Jones is taking money away from Rickey because he’s younger than Rickey. That’s age racism, and Rickey ain’t happy with that. Try putting that under a Christmas tree.

- Pitchers. They ain’t worth it. Folks be trading for pitchers, or signing pitchers, and giving them all this money, and for what? They can’t do anything that Rickey can’t do, if Rickey wanted to. But they’re getting lots of money. And for what? They can’t hit. Rickey know they can’t steal bases. Any pitcher own the record for most runs scored? Didn’t think so. Hell, Rickey spent his entire Major League career making pitchers look stupid. But they still get paid, and Rickey ain’t getting jack.

- Billy Beane. His book said he’s all about folks getting on base and scoring runs. That’s what Rickey does! That’s what Rickey always does. Rickey did it for the A’s back in 1998 for Billy Beane. Billy Beane loved Rickey then - where’s the love now, Billy? The minute Rickey popped out of Rickey’s mom, he was scoring runs. Hell, Rickey came out head-first! Because that’s the way Rickey rolls - head-first, all the time. And you know who walked more than anybody ever. Lemme give you a hint - his name’s Rickey. But I guess Billy Beane doesn’t want people that walk and score runs anymore. That’s why he hasn’t won any playoff games. Because Billy Beane don’t know a damn thing about baseball. If he did, you know what he’d do. He’d PAY RICKEY! That's right.

This holiday season, give the gift of Rickey!

PS...SM and Oldham will NOT be on tour with the Silver Jews. (from the horse's mouth)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

a glimmer of hope?

today the supremes rules that an oregon assisted suicide law is constitutional. with roberts joining scalia and thomas in dissent, the alliances within the new court are revealing themselves. when alito is confirmed, he will now doubt fall into the conservative camp, providing them with a fourth surefire vote.

but hope comes in the form of anthony kennedy. kennedy has historically been considered part of the conservative foursome, but he has shown himself to be increasingly moderate. he's the new o'connor, emerging as the crucial swing vote. he will continue to seem more and more reasonable when contrasted with his reactionary brethren.

Monday, January 16, 2006

the sauce translator:

last week, the pageturner that is grandboy put up the post found below. 4KS has deciphered the inner meaning of the sauce's observations, which we will gladly share with you:

Moments in the life of Sauce:
1. I punched the hell out of my punching bag last night. That was pretty awesome. If you have the means, I suggest you pick one up. i'm getting so fucking huge. i really hope some fratboy tries to fuck with me. maybe that asshole mike will quit making fun of me if i get ripped...i wonder if people will realize that last line was a ferris bueller reference.
2. Rock practice was great last night. Looking forward to another tonight with some different people. i really, really miss astra.
3. Finally saw Mr. Knight and Mr. Fallis a few days ago. I love those guys and their stories, esp. Fallis' tale of the "nightcreeper." when those guys tell stories, it's always coherent, usually logical, and often funny. why can't i tell cool stories like that.
4. Hey, my ipod kicks total ass, by the way. I never knew how it could change my life. by "change", i mean "give some semblance of meaning to".
5. Nursing my poor cat "Blue" back to health. I think he got in a fight or something. He had a really bad limp and lost his collar. He's the coolest cat ever. Seriously. unlike that stupid asshole wes, who thinks he's so cool, my awesome cat will never abandon me.

i love you, sauceface.


take a look at this quality photo retrospective on dr. king.

Friday, January 13, 2006

saucy tidbits

did you know...

that the sauce once strangled a gypsy to get an erection.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

what all the fuss is about

in case you missed it, here is the SNL narnia rap video that's been getting so much buzz. it's strong.

keep those suggestions coming in the knut nickname contest. we need some creativity there.

Friday, January 06, 2006


the handsome german has come to an agreement to join the 4KS staff. the only issue yet to be resolved: what should his moniker be? he has sadly refused to go with the popular "krautstud". however, i would think it ideal that he wear a mantle that displays his heritage.

but that is not set in stone. nothing is. we just need a nickname that suits knut, a man so kind, so handsome, so ripped, so german.

please submit your ideas in the comments area. i pledge to badger knut into accepted the best of the suggestions given. the winner of the contest will be announced one week from today.

soccer + swingers

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

WAY dumber than dan quayle...

making fun of "bushisms" is hardly a novel pastime, but this is a impressively long list of grammatical and factual misspeaks.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

"executive activism"

check out this piece from slate. good analysis of the broader significance of the NSA scandal within the administration's outlook on division of power. also has a good summation of the bush approach to decision-making:
Bush and Cheney had their own reasons for presidential power building. Both men were CEOs who equated impatience with efficiency, and envisioned a don't-bore-me-with-the-facts, CEO-style presidency.
the "legacy" article is also good, touching on related stuff.

Monday, January 02, 2006

fun with misogyny

i consider email forwards to be the height of banality. occassionally i get decent political commentary from my pops or a somewhat humorous ABH link from pineapple colonoscopy, but generally i hate "forwards" (like most reasonable people).

my uncle has a sent some pretty bad ones through the years. but the most recent one i kind of enjoyed. this above picture was among a series of images, with the caption "husbands of the year". am i lame for posting this? yes. but i like the way this guy is walking. sorry mom, smoking does look cool.